For Mirth Only

human centipede, my ass

it’s very easy to say (and common to hear) “*whatever* is the WORST *whatever* i’ve EVER *seen/heard/whatever*.” it’s a huge, hyperbolic overstatement, and it’s an easy way for people to exclaim disgust for *whatever*.

the human centipede isn’t the worst movie i’ve ever seen, but i’ll be damned if it it isn’t ONE of the most awful movies i’ve ever chosen to see. i feel like i’m doing the artform of film a disservice by even calling this nonsense a movie; quite simply, i find this *thing* to be nothing. what i mean is, it’s not scary. it’s not interesting. it’s not torture porn. it’s not campy. it’s not gory. it’s not gross (except for a scene of teeth-yanking; that’s enough to give anyone shivers). it’s not good. it’s not bad. it’s not… anything. what it is, if it is something (so i guess it’s not really nothing), is shit. it’s the masturbatory work of some stupid asshole director who should have written a short story and let our imaginations run wild as opposed to bringing to life, so to speak, this crappy, unbearable, pointless, childish fantasy. he even could have drawn a little kiddie picture with crayons and fingerpaints! that would have been far more disturbing. did i mention the director’s name is tom six? i imagine that’s his pseudonym. fucking cornball.

ok, this movie is one more thing: fucking corny garbage.

folks, don’t be tempted to watch this. it’s trash. watch those hostel movies instead. those are pieces of shit, too, but they stink a little less than this one.

First Half of the Year (was OK)

Events In Chronological Order (some with more notes than others)

Harvey @ Market Hotel. This must have been pretty good because I left at 7:30 with the sun shining through cracks of the boarded up windows. Unfortunately, all I can remember is how terrible the system was.

Turandot @ The Met Opera. Lavish, immaculate, over-the-top ornate set design. What a super amazeballs experience. Note: buy family section, sit in the orchestra/grand tier.

Gonzales w/ Princess Superstar @ Joe’s Pub. He was even better than last year! For the finale, Gonzo stood on top of the piano, singing and stomping blocks of keys with his right foot.

Omara Portuondo @ Town Hall. It’s always a pleasure watching proper musicians do their thing. Even at her age, Omara was gettin down on stage (scary?). Boy, what a virtuoso.

Sal P @ Rose Bar. My 2nd favorite night of dancing this year so far. Sal wasn’t mixing per se, just catching the previous song with the next, allowing for the night to breathe a little more relaxed and stray in different directions. I didn’t know any of the records, but they were all deep jams.

Gilberto Gil @ Nokia Theatre Times Square. d00d has one of those voices. The theater was done up super tacky like, “okay, hmm, let’s hang a giant chandelier from these metal rafters.”

Erykah Badu @ Good Units. Sick new venue in midtown (did I just say that?). Bass was knocking.

Bok Bok + Kingdom @ The Cove. I came for Kingdom but stayed for Bok Bok. It’s been a looooong time since I last heard new electronic dance music played with so much force. Alex was cutting bassline into bassline, slamming tracks down, and it actually felt like club music in a club (gasp! in Williamsburg!). After listening to his mixtapes and not really getting his sound, it was kind of revelatory on a big system. Like, wow, this is what young kids like me should be into (not rediscovered records from the 70s). Earth-shattering epiphany aside, it was a fun night that, for the most part, eschewed the standard 100-125 bpm range. Big up Bok Bok for doing what he does in NYC, and for dropping his signature Drank In My Cup mix (keymatched, no less).

The-Dream @ Highline Ballroom. Literally the first mainstream pop R&B show of my life. Pretty great. I only wish he’d done Put It Down, but that’s probably best kept for the bedroom.

Kingdom @ White Rabbit. Roger That.

Jill’s Wedding @ Bodega Bay. Review of this coming soon.

Yuji’s party @ Yuji’s. Got super drunk and there was this kid who would not stop humping the couch and dropping it REAL low to Ciara’s Ride.

Nadia & Dave’s BBQ @ Nadia & Dave’s. I don’t hang out in the sunlight very much, but it was nice to get out and enjoy a lovely afternoon/evening on a brooklyn rooftop. First great party of the summer!

Harvey @ 119 Ingraham St. Harvey only did 3 hours this time, but I would have paid twice the cover – yeah, it was that good. I went by myself (whatever!) and danced in front of the loudest speakers. Venue was outdoors, situated in the backyard of a bar between two loft buildings (tons of them in the area). PA was slightly better than last time, and that made a significant difference. I’d hoped that Harvey would DJ til sunrise. But by 2:30 he was already fading songs into silence and shoo-ing everyone away with quirky records (although they had no effect). He closed with Benny Golson’s I’m Always Dancin To The Music.

——–

Mixes (nothing mindblowingly different here)
Optimodeggon. hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit…hit
Kingdom – Fabric mix. smoothest, most cohesive mix he’s done. For diversity, check the second half of his Triple J set.
Luke Howard – Falling In Love With Love. what’s your tolerance for love songs? :)
Kon & Amir Live at Sweater Funk 6/20. recently discovered boogie is by FAR the best running music

Movies (seen for the first time!)
Heathers
The Doom Generation
The Graduate
Orlando

Things I’m Still Waiting For (desperately)
A new monitor/computer
Enter The Void
The Avalanches’ 2nd album (WHAT. THE. FUCK. ALREADY.)
A new mixtape from The Avalanches (ANY will do)
2nd house party
To be able to lay out on the beach

Last thing – PS1 Warmup is lookin killer this summer.

TOPP TRAX N MIXS, JAN-JUN 2010

no particular order

addison groove – footcrab/dumbshit
azari & III – hungry for the power, reckless with your love, manhooker
california swag district – teach me how to dougie
emika – double edge (original & pinch remix)
fat joe & young jeezy – slow down
health we are water
rolo tomassi – hysterics lp, cosmology lp
slim – break u down
the hundred in the hands – tom tom
mia & jay-z – xxxo
toro y moi – master of none
gucci mane – lemonade

rustie – fabric promo mix
girl unit – fact mix
bok bok – january 2010 mix
pinch – april dubstep mix

in color

here’s my new mix, y’all!!! the focus is on progression. lotsa tracks didn’t make the cut (no pun intended), perhaps to be properly utilized another day. i love these songs, and… i hope you like at least one of them, too. thank youuu for listeniiing!!!

in color

lil jon & lmfao – get out of your mind
autechre – arch carrier
da damn phreak noize phunk – violin madness
gorillaz – stylo
men without hats – safety dance
dva – natty
major lazer – when u hear the bassline
uffie – mcs can kiss (zombie disco squad dub)
cassy – night to remember
deadboy – u cheated
gantman – juke dat girl (greenmoney remix)
lloyd banks – beamer benz & bentley
yo gotti – women lie, men lie
health – we are water

Johnno Burgess’ Resident Advisor Mix

Johnno of BuggedOut!/DummyMag/Jockey Slut fame did this “yacht rock” mix for Resident Advisor at the end of ’08. Here’s an excerpt from the mini-interview that might entice you to give this wheel of cheese a spin:

Could you explain “yacht rock” for the uninitiated?

It’s a term for music made by a group of artists in the mid ’70s to mid ’80s. People like Don Henley from the Eagles, Christopher Cross, Michael McDonald and Kenny “Footloose” Loggins used to write for each other, play on each other’s records and, I guess, hang out on each other’s yachts a lot. It now encapsulates any music that has that era’s buffed synthetic production sound.

(download via down arrow)

Mike Post – Hill St Blues Theme
Klubb Kebabb – Africa
Phil Collins – I’m Not Moving (Idjut Boys edit)
Hall & Oates – Out Of Touch
Chris Rea – Josephine
Michael McDonald – Sweet Freedom
Steely Dan – Peg
Doobie Brothers – What A Fool Believes
Christopher Cross – Ride Like The Wind
Phoenix – Too Young
Robert Palmer – Looking For Clues
Donald Fagen – New Frontier (watch on Artistdirect)
Alan Braxe & Fred Falke – In Love With You
Fleetwood Mac – The Chain
Toto – Georgie Porgie
KC & The Sunshine Band – Please Don’t Go

Burners by Luis

Luis is keeping up a semi-regular release schedule for his mixtapes.  That is, whenever I start thinking I could use another one, he’s already gathering tracks. Again, the selection on Burners is impeccable, save the cool kids’ jingling (really Luis?? lol).

There. That’s my review, three weeks late!

drake – successful
portishead – pedestal
t-pain – fire
cool kids – jingling
dj quik – 9x outta 10
t-boz – get it get it
slim – break u down
private – my secret lover (diplo rmx)
fat joe – slow down son
pitbull – i know you want me (a cappella)
dre skull – i want you (bok bok rmx)
photek – back to mine
tiesto – i will be there
bart b more – killing it
ada – each and everyone
azari & III – hungry for the power

Here it is

a burial for burial

what’s with all the praise for “untrue”? it sounds like an autistic keyboard. “best album of the 2000s,” according to various blogs and such on the internet? fuck outta here. then you have all the album reviews trying to say that this embodies “the ghosts of raves past,” “the soundtrack to a rainy afternoon,” “hardcore continuum this and that,” and, if i remember correctly (i don’t), somebody likened it to “ghost in the shell”? the anime? *sigh* AND this guy remained anonymous for years and people actually gave a shit when he revealed his pasty white face. MYSTERIOUS! SUBLIME!

if you really want to experience the “ghosts of rave past” (scary, eh), listen to any drum & bass, grime, garage, dubstep, hardcore, house, techno, trance, (insert electronic genre here) mix/compilation/radio-live-set-recording from the past 20 years- it’ll be infinitely more rewarding than suffering through this malfunction of a recording.

oh! “archangel,” the first track, is astonishingly good. maybe a friend of his recorded it and snuck it in! y’know, to get sales up.

i hate this album.

Rubulad NYE Twenty-Ten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES. Despite being ungoogleable, Rubulad New Year’s Eve 2010 is indeed happenening. It’s a masquerade themed affair and Mike Simonetti’s djing 4 hours from 1030 to 230 — which is EXTREMELY special in itself.  It’s 20 in costume and 30 without.

Over The Atlantic

I tried to wake my roommate up with this. She said it was nice to sleep to and then passed out again.  Anyways, it turns out I have 2 other songs by Over The Atlantic that I d/led at the end of last year (and really like too).  idk where I got them from.  Google Reader, your search function is useless.

bang pop

check out this awful new (official!!!) video for a single that’s FOUR YEARS OLD. i wonder how big uffie’ll get? a lot? not at all? only 2010 will tell.